A Plea For Briskness

Is there anything worse in this life than incompentent people on either side of a cash register? Really, Iran getting nuclear weapons is a distant second by comparison.

Today I was in line at the supermarket to pick up a few small items. As always I have less than 10 items, all fitting in a handheld basket, because I believe in frequent quick trips to the supermarket, instead of loading up one’s cart with 25 two-liter bottles of Diet Pepsi and a month’s worth of processed meats, regardless of the number of children in ones’ family, or the likelihood of a blizzard. I have mentally estimated the cost of these items to within a dollar and have the money in my hand ready to give to the cashier. The older woman in front of me has somewhere in the neighborhood of 9 or 10 items in her basket, which I believe is pushing it. According to the custom of young brisk male shoppers, “10 items or less” really translates to “6 or fewer small rectangular items”. Of course, this old woman breaks out the coupons when it comes time to make the purchase. I don’t really mind, however, because she does not emanate the despicable aura of a true coupon fanatic. She only has one coupon in hand and there does not seem to be any controversy as to the coupon expiration date. It goes without saying that the old woman pays by check, even though there is no reason that anyone should ever use checks anymore. With the point-of-sale check processing units the big stores possess nowadays, a check functions identically to a debit card. There are entire countries in Europe where check-writing has been obsolete for 15 years.

This is all just run-of-the-mill supermarket aisle incompetence, and so I was only partially annoyed. The thing that really blew my mind was that when the woman was gathering up her items at the end of the aisle, she decided to take the time to unwrap the fish she was buying and give it a whiff. She then made a hideous face and declared that the fish, due to its odour, was not suitable for human consumption. She wants the cashier to somehow undo the completed check purchase, refund her money, and dispose of the foul-smelling fish. Is she nuts? How does a person go through life, making thousands of purchases, and not realize that the modern-day cashier is not really well-equipped to perform complex refund operations, especially at supermarkets? And how does one fail to develop the intuitive understanding that fish is not really a refundable type of item. I shop less than anyone I know, and these facts are as clear as day to me.

Anyway, I know I am indulging in Andy Rooney-style kvetching, but, for me, the need to execute efficient transactions is such a moral imperative that I can only feel contempt for offenders. I tried to support a local teahouse the other day and had another bad experience. This place has recently curtailed its closing time from 9 PM to 5 PM daily and there is rarely anyone in there, so one would think they are not doing well and would appreciate a little business. All I want is a sandwich. There was one woman at the counter ahead of me placing a small order, less than twenty bucks. I waited a few minutes while the two fumbled through their transaction. I was not instantly impatient because I had my son with me who was exploring the place and generally acting as cute as a button. Minutes pass. My son has explored the whole place and comes back to stand with me. More minutes pass. I can see confusion in the kitchen over the items that were ordered. The Chinese girl behind the cash register is staring at the electronic monitor like it is the Rosetta Stone. She has that panicked look in her face, that all cashiers get when the need arises to perform some kind of “undo” operation, and they have no clue how to do it. It happens to all of them: they freeze. They completely stop pushing buttons or explaining what is going on, and just state at the screen in utter confusion. At this point, I start huffing and puffing a bit, but still hope that the issue will be clarified quickly. My son is now bored and wants to go to the pet store. More time passes. Now, just when it seems that the issue is finally resolved with the assistance of some manager-figure who emerges from the kitchen, the woman making the purchase decides she needs some potato chips to be thrown into the order. The confusion revives anew. I put my son on my neck and walk out of the store. There is nobody who wants to see local business prosper more than me, but now I hope the teahouse goes out of business. Inability to execute transactions is a fatal flaw.

Cash register incompetence is really just a special case of my general pet peeve: people who have a job which requires them to only do one thing, should not have any difficulty performing that one thing! My job requires me to be incompetent at lots of things so forgive me if I don’t have the patience for those who are only incompetent at one.